The First Step to Changing You = Understanding You

 "If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always be where you've always been." Author Unknown

Anyone who is looking to making a lasting change in any area of life whether it be losing weight, quitting smoking, working on a relationship, or even controlling anxiety; eventually has to sit down and ask themselves some tough questions.  Understanding the "why's" of our choices, and understanding how those choices created a problem, helps us to learn how to fix the problem.   Waking up and realizing I was 85 pounds over weight, obese, unhappy, and facing life altering medical conditions, I had to ask myself three important questions.  These three questions were the building blocks of my success. This is an exercise I encourage anyone who wants to change something do.

"We can't become what we need by remaining what we are" Max Dupree.

QUESTION 1: WHY AM I OVER WEIGHT?

There isn't just one simple answer to this question. There are a lifetime of mistakes, and lessons that have led me to this point. Like most people we don't become weight over night, its a result of a series of choices, events, and emotions the happen over time, each effecting the next.  I DO know that I have had a long standing abusive relationship with food, and with myself. So here goes......

Problem #1:
Growing up, I didn't exactly learn good eating habits. I come from a family of 6, we didn't have a whole lot for extras. Our meals usually consisted of spagetti (lots of spagetti), hot dogs, pancakes for dinner etc... If you wanted seconds, you had to wolf down your first plate or there might not be any left. So early on in life I was trained, clean your plate and EAT FAST!

Problem #2:
As I got older and less active, the bad eating started to catch up with me. I started to get chubby. I received little support from my family, instead I received a lot of scrutiny and negativity. To this day I still remember my mom saying to me "You'll never be skinny like your sister" OUCH!! When you hear those kinds of comments for so long it eats away at you and you start to believe they are true.

Problem #3:
In high school I started to get desperate, I wanted to look just like the "beautiful" girls. I wanted my then jerk of a boyfriend to "love me" because he always said "You'd be prettier if you lost a few pounds". That's when the binging and purging started. I lost a lot of weight, but at a huge cost that still effects me to this day. This was where my very bad love hate relationship with food and with myself started! The guilt, the shame, the recovery, the fear of going back. Its not something I wish on anyone. With any crash diet or eating disorder, its not maintainable so when you stop, the weight comes back ten fold. After seeking counseling for the disorders, I managed to get back to a healthy weight and stay there, for a short while...Even though I recovered from the eating disorders, I still struggled in the years to come with a negative body image, low self esteem, and yo-yo dieting.

Problem #4:
Working in mostly restaurants from the age of 18-22 provided me constant access to food!! And BAD food to boot! This also at the same time I began living on my own, drinking, and partying... All disasterous combinations. The weight started piling back on. This time I think I was just too distracted to notice, or perhaps I just didn't like myself enough to care and gave up, figuring I was doomed to be over weight just like my mom always said.

Problem #5:
Food to me was always comfort. "What's that? You got a raise? I'm so happy lets go to your favorite restaurant." "Its my birthday lets celebrate and cook a huge dinner", "I lost my job, why don't I eat this jug of ice cream it will make me feel better." "its FRIDAY lets celebrate" LOL I still struggle with that last one. Ever since I can remember life has always revolved around food, an event or occassion that involved food. I never stopped to think, 'this is bad for me, this is fattening', all I would think of is 'this tastes so good'.


Problem #6:
I never loved myself enough to put an end to the madness and take care of myself the way I should. I focused all of my attention on taking care of my family, work, and other things instead of myself. I got lazy, I got complacent, I got comfortable. I tricked myself into beleiving there was nothing wrong with stopping at a drive thru every night and not only stuffing my face but feeding it to my kids too. I started ignoring mirrors when I saw them, and pretending the size on the tag of those size 18 jeans didn't REALLY say 18. I lived in denial!!

QUESTION 2: WHY DO I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT?

I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I want to be able to look in the mirror and like what I see. I want to be able to walk into any clothing store and be able to buy something that fits and looks dang good too! I DON'T want to be diabetic and have to deal with the issues my mom, brother and uncle have to deal with. If I were to stay on my destructive path that is where I will end up. I want to have a healthy relationship with food. I no longer want to see food as "the enemy". I feel empowered and strong now seeing that I am capable of big things! I want to feel comfortable in a bathing suit, going dancing with friends with out feeling like the fat friend. I'll admit, a part of me wants heads to turn LOL. I want my kids to learn that health is important and so is what goes in your body. My son said the cutest thing the other day we were are sweet tomatoes, we asked him what kind of dressing he wanted, he said "No, I want it on the side like mom, so I can dip it". Most importantly I want to be around a long time, I want to live life to its fullest, and never feel like my weight will hold me back ever again!

QUESTION 3: WHY HAVE I NOT MAINTAINED WEIGHT LOSS BEFORE?

I think those that battle with weight loss demons go through life and struggle until we have that AH-HAH! moment. Until we truly want it and commit ourselves fully, it never happens. Until we realize being healthy and fit is not about a "diet" - diet implies temporary and the only way to stay healthy is to make healthy a part of your life.  At least I know this is true for me. I'd find excuses or distractions. I'd buy a gym membership and never go. I'd get frustrated and quit because I didn't see results immediately. I'd crash diet and it would come back and then some. I'd get comfortable in a relationship and stop paying attention. I finally had my AH-HAH moment, and have been on the right, healthy road ever since! It took too long, but I'm here now and that's what matters!

I believe in order to know where we are going, we have to know where we have been, so we can learn, grow, and change. After all my troubles, I've learned that this is not a quick, easy fix. I'm glad I finally saw the light and committed myself to a better life and healthy life style. I was on a dark road, and now I've shown myself just how strong I can be. I also know now that I can see how much happier life can be -- I know I'll never go back to the old Stacey. This is a whole new me and I'm learning to love her more and more day by day.


What are your answers?